商务英语写作中逻辑不清的问题如何解决？

连贯性是有效语句语篇写作的一个重要原则，商务英语写作也应遵守这一原则。在商务英语写作中，段落中的句子应该按照清晰的逻辑顺序组织安排，过渡应自然、流畅，便于阅读与理解。但是，如果对语篇内容把握不清，不知先写什么后写什么，或忽略了上下文之间的衔接或过渡，就易使语篇的条理安排不当，造成逻辑上的混乱。试对比分析以下信函语篇。

原信函：

Dear Ms.Smith,

William John joined my office as a probation clerk three months ago at a salary of $2 500.

During his probation.He has proved himself conscientious,dedicated,and talented.And he has done a very good job.

This is his first job he does as an office clerk after his graduation from college.He has told me that he hopes to continue his career here at my office.To encourage him to do this and to reward him for his work here,I recommend a raise of $ 500 monthly,bringing his salary up to $ 3 000.

I hope you will grant him the raise effective December 1,2007.

Sincerely

译文：

亲爱的史密斯女士，

三个月前，威廉·约翰以2 500美元的薪水入职，担任试用文员。

在他的试用期间，他认真、敬业并显露了才华。他做得很好。(www.xing528.com)

他大学毕业后做的第一份工作是办公室文员。他告诉我，他希望在我的办公室继续他的职业生涯。为了鼓励他，我建议每月给他加薪500美元，使他的工资达到3 000美元。

我希望你能从2007年12月1日起给他加薪。修改函：

此致

Dear Ms.Smith,

I recommend monthly raise of $ 500，beginning from December 1，2007,for William John.

William John joined my office as a probation clerk three months ago at a salary of $ 2 500.

The raise would bring his salary up to $3 000 a month.

Why does he deserve a raise? Because he demonstrates conscientiousness，dedication and talent.Proves to be qualified.

It is a good policy to encourage and reward qualified office clerks like William John.I hope you will grant him a $ 500 raise effective December 1.He has earned it.

Sincerely

原信函重点不突出，加薪的要求在第一段就应提出。同时，原信函还有一个十分严重的问题，即条理不清，显得逻辑混乱。修改函对原来顺序做了调整：将信函第一段（说明想干什么的原因）与第二段（表明想干什么）调换了一下位置。此外，为了厘清条理，修改函采用了项目符号来表示前后顺序，使语篇显得连贯流畅。